Everyday I rely on God for sustenance and strength to stay afloat. I ask God to use His Word and His Presence to daily transform my eyes in everything I see.
This past weekend N was invited to a couple classmates’ birthday parties. I was ecstatic that other classmates saw N as a friend, even if N was unaware of these social connections himself. But it was so difficult to see him with his peers at these social gatherings. The differences are starting to be unmistakable. And at one point, mean spirited teasing ensued and N was unaware that it was happening, and that his disability was the actual target. I was conflicted on what to do (all the other parents sat passively and did nothing) but at the end I could not bear to watch anymore so I told the kids to cut it out. The kids stopped momentarily, only to start it up again. This time, a few parents from the sidelines spoke up and stopped it altogether. But I think had I not initially stepped in, no one would have done anything.
I find myself in on new ground with this, grappling my own feelings on this as well as how to defend and stick up for N, or how to one day equip N to do it himself the best he can. The whole weekend I was upset, angry, and consumed with helplessness when thinking of the future.
And then God reminded me that N is in His hands, and that He loves my child infinitely more than I do. That brought me comfort, to know that any past, present, and future bullying was given to God. He loves my child. He knows my child. He’s paved a way for my child. N is safe in His hands, no matter what happens. N’s circumstances don’t define him, N is who he is, and God is unchanging.
I whisper these things to myself every moment I feel shaken. God loves my child, God loves my child, God loves my child, God loves my child…