Will there be a day when I can drop my kid off at school and not be glued to my cell phone the entire school day, just in case someone from school calls? I feel like I am always “on call” in a paranoid way. Or maybe this is just being a mom, and the ASD thing just brings it to another level. Or maybe I just need to just chill out. Ha.
The teacher pulled me aside at pick-up, and gave me a couple doozies to figure out. I can tell that in each of the scenarios/situations, they are trying their best. My brain hurts from all the sleuthing. Sometimes it feels like one of those action movies where you know a bomb is about to go off, and you have only a limited amount of time to disable the bomb… and you have to think clearly and intuitively and calmly and wisely. Or sometimes it feels like I am playing “vet”, trying to figure out the problem and the context of the problem, without any clear verbal communication at all. Or sometimes it’s like I’m in Star Wars and totally faking my “jedi mind tricks” with my arsenal of tools, which are hit or miss. Or sometimes I feel like I am just making it up as I go along (which I am), in the moment.
And as I am in the shower, mulling over these things and trying to figure out the most recent challenges (I strategically had J in his crib for nap and N downstairs with homework and a snack so I could at least have 10-15 min to myself), I am feeling tired, defeated, annoyed at N, annoyed at myself for feeling annoyed, and on and on. I pray for wisdom and super natural patience from above.
And as I am typing this, the kids are being rambunctious and running around the house in circles and giggling and making huge messes in every room. But they are laughing and actually playing together. They run into me (literally, both of them), and “attack” me with hugs, saying that their arms are eating me, and they are laughing so hard they are out of breath. And then off they go disappearing upstairs, but I can hear them through the ceiling, a fit of silly laughter trailing behind and little feet pounding around. Even in my tiredness and discouragement, something is happening and it’s going in the right direction. Thank you Lord, for uplifting me.