Ruth’s Reveries

Having been married almost four and a half years, I’d say this week I finally felt like our lives have settled to a nice even pace.

Feels like it took awhile, hasn’t it? What made it take so dang long?!

 

2002 - 2005:
Probably because our lives were completely at the mercy of Wayne’s residency schedule (especially that wretched first/intern year). His schedule dictated when we would spend time together, when we would spend time with family, what our priorities are with friends and our community around us. And we are the type that need our lives to be more than just work and home; our souls yearn for meaning and purpose in our world and in our relationships. When can we meet up with others? When can we enjoy the activities/hobbies that we enjoy doing? When can we go visit family? What about our involvement in our community? How in the world can we fit in ministry/involvement in our faith community? Can we fit in missions at all? We were still in the midst of figuring out what our identity is as a couple; what our priorities, passions, burdens, and visions are together. All we knew was that our life absolutely cannot consist of work and home. Period.

 

2005:
Hubby got out of residency in June 2005. Boy was it wonderful and I was (and still am) so proud of him. In the next six months, we proceeded to take vacation after vacation. Nevermind that we need to tend to the house (since moving in, we have never attempted serious furniture shopping or planning for painting walls, curtains, color schemes, or even decorated, due to lack of $$). Whatever leftover money we had, we went out and had tons of fun. A road trip, a couple overseas trips, etc. Wayne deserved it, after all his grueling years of training.

 

2006:
When Wayne finally did get his permanent/current job, things were still up in the air. The only thing certain was a steady income. I was still all over the place in terms of trying to find my niche in my community, ministry, and within myself and my capabilities. So I proceeded to fill my schedule with all sorts of activities and classes, thus creating the central theme to the first half of 2006: The Biggest Burnout of My (so far) Adult Life.

Not to say all of my busy activities were all to waste; God used every single hectic, tired, exciting, and fearful opportunity in that time frame. I met alot of people, got to know other individuals more deeply, learn a couple skills, flexed my abilities a bit, discovered a few personal limitations, got to know myself a little better. So when things calmed down, Wayne announced our annual vacation time, so a good portion of our summer and fall has been either 1) out-of-town; 2) out-of-the-state; and/or 3) out-of-the-country. Still no money to pay back some outstanding debts and afford to start doing anything with our house, but hey. Rest time is rest time. Right?

We’re back home now, even with packed weekends, we are now lulling to a regular schedule. At least I feel like I have a stable rhythm, and it’s conforting and assuring. We’ve found a way to keep in touch with friends, build deeper relationships, give of our time and talents back to our local community (we both do volunteer work), be involved with ministry and our faith community (our church and our relationships), and do missions (future projects, sending others, supporting others). And we’ve got a short-term plan to save up some money to 1) pay back our debts; 2) do some long-awaited house stuff; 3) save $$ for our future. Whew!

 

2007+ :
Some might feel that it’s a bit early to re-evaluate for next year as it’s barely Fall. But I’m ok with that. I don’t know what the future will bring. I’m the fearful type; always wanting to be prepared for every thing that comes my way. Of course, life hardly works like that, thus, I’m always viewing the future as some big black hole that I’ll slip and fall into, and be miserable with the choices I’ve made because I wasn’t well-prepared to make adequate decisions. I know, ridiculous, but living by faith isn’t a forte of mine (apparently, Wayne’s better at it than I am). Even so, there is a sense of calm and satisfaction with where I’m at, where we might be headed (wherever that is). The future is unknown and a little scary, but I am humbled and hugely grateful and comforted with the knowledge that God is Almighty, He holds all in His Hands, and He loves me deeply. I know things feel good now, which means who knows what sort of faith ride we’re in for in the next couple years (I’m masochistic that way). Which is actually OK; my spirit is finally at peace with the unknown, as I have somewhat been getting used to this faith rollercoaster of life. I’m quite sure whatever comes our way, He’ll prepare us what what we need, nothing more, nothing less.

This entry was posted on Friday, October 20th, 2006 at 4:07 pm and is filed under Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.