Ruth’s Reveries

For those of you who are familiar with Bridal Bargains and Baby Bargains, the same authors came out with Baby 411. I loved the previous bargain books – they were written in a really hands-on, practical, quirky, but very easily digestible information on how to save money and not get ripped off by the wedding and baby industries a like. I expected the authors to deliver the same kind of tone and information with this baby book.

It is pretty much an all inclusive book for your 1st year with your baby. It is written by the original authors but teamed up with a pediatrician who is also a mom. Topics range from preparing for the birth, labor and delivery, breastfeeding & formula feeding, poop, first aid, sickness, sleep, hygiene, solid food, medications, vaccinations, diseases, and everything else in between. It is very detailed, but it is not overwhelming. It’s written in a quirky down-to-earth tone (from a couple of moms, essentially) and even though it is +500 pages, it is extremely easy on the eye (trust me!). They have sections on what red flags to look for, and what warrants a call to the doctor. There are helpful hints all over the place, as well as debunked old wives’ tales. They explain all sorts of medical things in layman’s terms. One thing I liked about it is that they scatter common Q&A’s and answer them in relation to the topic at hand. They tackle hot topics such as circumcision or vaccinations and talk honestly and openly about pros and cons and how to approach decision-making in many other areas. The breastfeeding section is quite detailed – there is a special shaded box about the top breastfeeding problems/challenges and detailed advice on how to overcome these challenges. I also referred to the developmental checklist as my main guide for milestone age ranges. They even have a section called: “2 Week Survival Guide” to help you through the first 2 weeks of bringing home the baby. There is not one single question I can think of that is not answered by these authors. Even their website has additional updates, should things change since their last edition (latest printing is 2010, 4th edition). It is awesome.

I found it to be a great reference book, especially the medical sections. And even though it is filled with tons of practical advice, the authors also sprinkle in their own personal experiences as parents, with amusing anecdotes here and there. The tone of this book is friendly and casual, educational, down-to-earth, quirky and witty, practical, comprehensive, and encouraging. This is great for any mom, first time or not. I have purchased this book a handful of times already, mostly for friends who are expecting their first baby.

This is how the book is laid out – there are 16 chapters, fit neatly into 6 sections.

Section 1: 3-2-1 Baby! Preparing For The New One
Chapter 1: Decisions
Chapter 2: You & Your Baby’s Doc: Insider Tips & Advice
Chapter 3: Labor Day

Section 2: Care & Feeding
Chapter 4: Hygiene: The Spa Treatment
Chapter 5: Nutrition & Growth
Chapter 6: Liquids
Chapter 7: Solids
Chapter 8: The Other End (i.e. poop)

Section 3: Sleep, Development & Discipline
Chapter 9: Sleep
Chapter 10: Development
Chapter 11: Discipline & Tempermant

Section 4: Sickness & How to Avoid It!
Chapter 12: Vaccinations
Chapter 13: Common Infections
Chapter 14: Common Diseases
Chapter 15: The Environment and Your Baby

Section 5: First Aid – Top 12 Problems &  Solutions
Chapter 16: First Aid

Section 6: The Reference Library
(medications, alternative medicines, lab work & tests, etc.)

This book has been my #1 reference book and I could not have done without it!

I’m trying not to make this into a depressing post, but it is nostalgic to some degree. With every major life change comes an adjustment period. When I first got married, I wrestled with a changing identity, and I allowed myself to grieve my single self. Even though I was thrilled to create a new life with my husband, there is some mourning that has to happen and I think that’s healthy and absolutely warranted. Once I was ready to let go of it, it helped me to welcome my future with open arms.

Being a mom feels kind of like that. Times one hundred. I am still processing through the changes, and I am still in the midst of them. The dust has not “settled” yet. I’m quite sure next year I’ll have better picture of what went on this past year. It’s always easier to get perspective when you’ve allowed some time and space from it – a moment to pause and step back and be a little objective.

I really had no clue what I was jumping into. I had no idea what was “normal” and what was not “normal”. I didn’t know the difference between an easy baby and a challenging baby. I didn’t know (until now) that I barely had a honeymoon period with my baby and that was not the norm. It was very short – only that first 1 week. Starting the 2nd week, the colic started up, and by the 3rd week I thought perhaps it was reflux and practically twisted Wayne’s arm in writing up an Rx. By the 5th week, I realized this was not reflux at all and dropped the meds soon after. It was hell-ish, for a first-time mom who was muddling through it on her own. By the 3rd month, when things are “supposed” to get better, the sh*t hit the fan. I was in lock-down survival mode for the first 6 months. I mustered all my human strength just to get through a couple hours at a time. I could not even handle 1 day at a time.

Like others with similar babies – 6 months was the turning point. Sometime in February it felt like someone flicked a switch in my baby – and I was starting to breathe a sigh of relief. It was kind of nice. Of course there were still bad days, but at least a good week did not involve crying (previously, if I had cried only once that week, that was considered a really good week). At the 9 month mark, something else happened. And I started being able to feel like “myself” again. A little bit. Some time to journal and reflect and read. And take a nap! And do outings here and there that I couldn’t do before. I felt more energized, more freer. I felt a glimpse of my old self come back and it made me nostalgic.

A couple weeks ago I went to a 5 year anniversary of SACA, where I used to volunteer the past couple years. I saw old friends and caught up with old co-workers. Walked around the place and reminisced. A flood of memories of my old life washed over me. I miss my old life so much. I miss my friends. I miss going to church regularly. I miss my quiet times. I miss travelling. And all the international trips and projects we used to do. I know these are things we can do later, but for now, they are missed.

The one thing I miss the most is my friends. I found it literally impossible to keep in touch with 99% of them. I remember going to Darren and Julia’s wedding and tearing up from seeing familiar friendly faces. I practically cried right on the spot as I hugged them all. And seeing Julia in her wedding dress and finally getting married! And feeling like life is whizzing right by and I am missing a lot of it. How I missed those familiar faces so much! (I wonder if they missed me?) I have only had snippets of time/energy to devote to only a few friends here and there. My schedule and priorities are completely different than before. Which is understandable. I know I am hard on myself, but I have to remind myself that my good friends will always be there for me, regardless of life stage. We can pick up where we left off, no drama, no expectations. They are understanding, supportive, wish the very best for me, and don’t demand a thing. I am so grateful for these types of friends. During the times when I was at the pits of hell, they were there, offering nothing but love and prayer, encouraging words and hugs. They didn’t judge me, but believed in me during the times when I had lost faith in myself.

So anyways, I am currently muddling through all this nostalgia. Wrestling with letting go of the Old Life and accepting my New Life.  This is New, this is Different. When people tell you that being a SAHM is a really hard job, they aren’t kidding around. Even my husband sees what I do and realizes that his job is so much easier than mine. Don’t get me wrong – I am in love with a new little person in my life, but everything around me and in me has been turned upside down and on its head. Utterly transformed in every way. Even with the joys that come with it, I look back and I am nostalgic and sad. So much has happened this year, and I have had to say goodbye to several aspects of my life, including a few individuals as well. But at the same time, I have gained so much more. But it doesn’t make the losses any less painful.

I am taking my time with this. I know others have had a tougher time than I have, so I am trying to keep it all in perspective. I’m getting better at letting myself feel things, mourn things, process things. I’m getting better at sitting in my puddle of “yucky” feelings, and feeling them, sorting through them one by one, feeling and being… human. In the past, I would have beat myself up for even feeling sad about all this, thinking this would make me somehow less of a competent mom. But I will not allow myself to feel guilty for feeling this way. I know everyone has to go through this, even though no one likes to talk about it. I’m getting better at giving myself more grace – and allowing myself to look back and feel these feelings of loss for my Old Life. Because I know I have to go through this in order to accept it and let go of it. So that I can move on and readily accept my New Life. With open arms.

Loves: Rolling around, sticking his butt up in the air, hanging out in the Ergo snuggled up against Mommy, splashing water during bathtime, tummy raspberries, eating puffs/yogurt melts, Goodnight Moon, backrubs, downstairs bathroom towel ring, ceiling fans, being held by Mommy or Daddy.

Hates: Things covering up his eyes, falling down, lying still during diaper/clothing changes, loud sudden noises (e.g. vacuum cleaner, blender, etc.), wind in his face, sun in his eyes, cold water, getting his face washed, having his mouth wiped, getting passed around among strangers’ arms for long periods of time, loud places (e.g. crowded dim sum restaurants, sporting events, etc.).

Eating: Currently at 4 nursing sessions a day (10-15 min each); 3 meals a day (4 oz. per meal). For the most part, a pretty good eater. Recent new foods he loves – blueberries, tofu, broccoli, ricotta cheese, and all sorts of finger food snacks.

Sleeping: Down to 2 naps since 6-7 months; accruing +2 hrs worth of naps and +11 hrs of night sleep. Bedtime is somewhere between 6-7 pm based on how naps were that day, morning wakeup is somewhere between 5:30-6 am. Sleeps through the night (holy grail!). Current WTs: 3, 3:25, 3:30 -4.

Milestone developments: Rolling around, sits really well, currently doing downward dog position and sticking butt in the air, rocking on all fours, trying to crawl but usually goes backwards. Can pull himself up to standing position with some assistance. Has object permanence. Can bang objects together. Working on pincher grasp (but doesn’t have it quite yet). But terrific at raking. Can rake your face  really hard and do a great grab at trying to rip your lips off. A couple months ago was babbling DA DA DA DA but now, not much babbling besides the usual AHHHH or UNNGGGG or MMMMM

Health: Still has not gotten sick yet! Mild facial excema getting better (we’re keeping it at bay with daily vaseline).

Friends: Sees Peter weekly for playdates; occasionally sees Aidan and Evan. Has seen Sophia and Natalie and Gavin in passing at church. Occasionally has seen Ethan around. Met Paige and Isaac last month, and Chloe last week. Hopes to one day hangout with Elliot. Can’t wait to meet a handful of nameless future friends who are currently still in utero. But his best friend is still Daddy.

Favorite toys: Wooden rattle, caterpillar, octopus, peacock, star, Mommy’s jewelry, Sophie the Giraffe, any kind of belt, paper/magazines, plastic bags, paper cups, Mommy’s purse strap, car keys.

Personality: Mild and sensitive, with a touch of grumpiness. At first meeting, quiet and shy and observant. Slow-to-warm. Does not smile much (until the camera is out) and is often very serious looking. Doesn’t have stranger anxiety yet. Cannot deal well with too much stimulation, loud noises/places, lots of unfamiliar activity around him. Needs time to warm up, slowly. Does well with smaller more intimate playdates. Turns into a big mess without his familiar daily routines. Needs a lot of structure. Loves to be held close, loves to be swaddled (recently stopped doing that a couple weeks ago). Very low tolerance level of any activity/noise and seemingly grumpy when tired, or just waking up.

Time is flying by way too quickly. Feels like he’s currently transitioning from being a baby, to a little boy.